"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." -Dale Carnegie
Hello Friends,
Note: This is part one on this subject. The second part will be coming later.
Do you know who is the greatest maker of friends? The "tail-wagging" answer actually makes sense when you think about it. My cousins have a big Australian Shepherd named Eli, who I absolutely love. Whenever Deanna and I visit over to our cousins' house, you can almost count on Eli to come running and romping over their yard to greet us. He looks up at me with those big, happily excited eyes, and smiles a toothy, sincere grin. He's not trying to sell me something or make me do something for him; he's just glad to see me; he's interested in me for who I am, not what I can do for him. Aren't dogs amazing? They don't receive degrees in psychology, but yet they are programmed by God to understand on of the most fundamental rules about people: People like to have someone interested in them. I wish we all could understand this rule. Perhaps we would be better friends; perhaps we would be happier. I think the following sentence is true: He who cannot be interested in others walks a much more lonelier road than he who can be interested in others.
Humankind has a difficult time understanding this people principle because humans are naturally self-centered. When there's a group picture that has you in it, whose picture do you look for first? When you're in Wal-Mart around Christmas time, who do you think of first when you're shopping? I once heard of a detailed study that the New York Telephone Company did to find out which word was used the most. The results? The most frequently used word, which was used 3,900 times in 500 studied telephone conversations, was "I," "I," and... "I." Our self-centered nature is a trait of the world we live in, but it also develops out of a desire to be special, to be liked, and to be loved for who we have been created to be. This desire to be loved is of course nothing to be ashamed about, because that's what God has put in us. However, the selfish and "looking out for number one" attitude influences our actions towards others in our life in a way that hurts our relationship with them. For me personally, few character flaws sour my opinion of others quicker than someone who is only interested in himself.
At the same time, because of this naturally occurring self-centered attitude within ourselves, it can be difficult for us to be sincerely interested in others. However, it is achievable to find ourselves interested in others, despite the aching of our selfish hearts. Here are a few such guidelines to help us do just that:
1. Unclog your self-centered ears
Edgar Watson Howe once joked, “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.” We certainly love to talk about what we care about, and that attitude can keep us from truly being interested in others. We clog our ears with “us,” and we don’t let anything of others through. The contrast of two of Great Britain’s greatest prime ministers, William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli, are good examples of people who clogged their ears with themselves and people who did not. It was said that a young woman went to dinner with each of them on successive nights. When she was asked of her impression of them, she said, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England!” Mr. Disraeli knew how to be interested in others. He once said, “The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.” His ears were definitely not clogged with himself. He was interested in what his dinner guest had to say of herself, and this selflessness is a key example to remember in how to be interested in others.
2. You can learn something from everybody
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Every man I meet is in some way, my superior, and I can learn of him.” Everybody can teach us something valuable that we probably couldn’t teach ourselves. By just being interested in the life of someone else, we can gain some awesome knowledge and wisdom from God.
3. Be interested in somebody’s story
Everybody loves a good story about life experiences. It’s evidenced by all the media we have on the lives of other people through movies, books, magazines, and television. Those stories start with just “everyday” people like you and me. Each person on this Earth has their own unique story of their life, which we can find just as fascinating as a good book or movie if will allow our minds to open a little bit.
4. God has imparted a gift, a passion in others’ lives
Mona Breckner once said, “All human beings can make a contribution if they are given enough help to do it. Dig until you can find something someone can do, see if there isn’t a talent somewhere for something. And usually, if you dig deep enough and long enough you’ll find one.”
In each person’s life, God has imparted a special gift or a passion, which no one else has. This gift is of God, and God is amazing and interesting. Therefore, seeking this gift should be reason enough to be interested in who they are. Perhaps their gifting isn’t something you would normally be interested in, but when you see in a person that a gifting has been to given to them, then it becomes interesting. I’m not what you would call a big “animal lover.” I like my cat enough, but I’m not a “nature boy” per se. But when I would watch Steve Irwin and the enthusiasm he had for nature, he got me excited about his “gifting.” Everybody has a gifting that’s exciting and wonderful. We just have to have the desire, the interest in others to seek it out. This searching for the gift in others is one of the most exciting aspects of life for me. Whenever I’m interacting with others, I’m searching for God’s gift in them. Perhaps it may not show up for a while, but I love the hunt. I like to ask questions of others. I want to know (and I want them to know too) how special God has made them to be. If I can do that, then… in a small way… I get a chance to know what my heavenly Father is like, and that brings a happy thought to my face.
This is the end of part one. Part two will be coming soon. Here’s a closing remark about this subject that I like:
The famous writer George Eliot once said, “Try to care about something in this vast world besides the gratification of small selfish desires. Try to care for what is best in thought and action --- something that is good apart from the accidents of your own lot.”
I remain,
Your (now very tired) friend,
Aaron Morrison
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